The Saga Continues

The last few days have been horrible; yesterday The Roo asked, on the way to  work, what the problem was, and I told her that she didn't want to know, as it was the same thing that has had me pissed off since before we left Nevada.  She knew my meaning and said little else for the rest of the trip; just as well, I guess.
The whole enormity of the situation has totally overwhelmed me the last several days, like no other time.  It is greater and stronger each time.
I ran the numbers again.
If he had bought the house, we would have had $150,000 for a coffee can under the bed, gold or silver ( my preferred investment).
Coffee can total:  $150,000 + $150,000 NOT used for welfare for 7 years = $300K
Silver: $150,000/$7/ounce=21,429 ounces X $48 ( at peak)=$1,028,571; add the $150 NOT spent=1,178,571.
Gold: $150,000/440/ounce=341 ounces X $1700 (peak)= $579,545;  add $150,000 NOT spent=$727,545.
Combine those figures with $240,000 (today's Fidelity) and the damage looks like:
Coffee can:  $300,000 + $240,000 = $540,000
Silver: $1,178,571 + $240,000= $1,418,571
Gold: $727,545 + $240,000= $967,545
This is the basis for my feelings.  As I said before, I'll die from this.  Worse part: no one will care.

Now, the weather moderates...

Today, after taking Roo to her work, I came home and decided to canvass Argonaut Estates, as the temp is down to livable.
Spent a few hours dropping literature and talking with folks, none of whom I had met before.
Even found a couple houses that I didn't even know existed.  Conversely, my walking list had addresses that seem to be located in a parallel universe, 'cuz they aren't on the street.
I'll have to finish the precinct later, but tomorrow Toehead is scheduled for surgery to remover her bitch gland.  I'm actually kinda worried, as she's always so tired and still works way too hard.  We hope she can recuperate for several weeks.  She so deserves it.  We'll have TinyToe for the day, and perhaps overnight; whatever it takes is what will be done.
So, spent time with the boys, sat on my chair and watched some very interesting stuff on ancient aliens.
Almost time to get The Roo again; she'll be off in an hour or so.

Another week shot in the ...

Well, another week is about gone, and I've been feeling trapped in the house for all of it.
The temp has been up in the range of 90-100, and if I'm out for more than a few minutes, I drop.  Pisses me off. 
When I was younger, it was nothing to enjoy the heat when those around me were dropping like flies; now, the human condition seems to have caught up with me.

The trunks are gone...

Well, finally, after a number of days of clearing the vegetation in front of the house, the last remnants of 30-year old growth are gone.  To the dump.
Last night, the next door neighbor and I finished felling the evergreen tree that had stood at the corner of the house for decades.  The bottom of the tree was dying, brittle, and starting to become a fire hazard, as had the arbor vitae that came down first.
We began by limbing the lower branches up about six feet and tossed a rope around the trunk several feet above that point; from there it was a lip cut, followed by a clean cut on the other side.  After a few well-placed tugs, the top section toppled softly to the ground, and neighbor limbed it while I moved limbs to the fence, from where they went into offspring's truck for the final ride to the clean green dump, about five miles up the road.
What will replace the growth in front of the house is still a mystery; I like roses, but they do attract bees, so that's probably not going to happen. 
Perhaps boxwood, but that requires regular pruning.
Grass needs to be cut; but bark, punctuated with flowers pretty much takes care of itself, so it's probably leading in the running.

Another day, another near problem...

Well, today I decided to continue work on removing the three stumps in the front yard; they are really embedded there, and will take a lot of work to remove.  The neighbor has very kindly offered use of a come-along and a chain saw to get the job done.  As expected, after about 90 minutes, the  sun came around and nearly put me down again.  This recurring sunstroke symptomology is getting to be a real bother; nearly died twice last year and once this year.  Now, I can't have my hot dog cart, a move that would be suicide, and will have to finish the build in order to sell it. Had to quit, and instead removed the bathroom door and took it to the garage for some minor surgery.
The Roo had replaced our ancient bathroom rugs the other day with two really nice fluffy, comfortable and beautiful rugs that make me want to stand in the bathroom all day long!  Unfortunately, the plush makes the rug just a hair too "tall" for the bottom edge of the door, so, out to the garage it went!
After rigging up a helper stand with the pressure washer handle, I took 1/2" off the bottom of the door with the table saw, and replaced the door to thunderous applause.
It works well; the plush just kissing the bottom of the door.
It seems that the offspring is pissed at his Mother; when he was 17 years old, she refused to let him buy a Porshe 911, as he couldn't afford to have it.  (He had to settle with a BMW, which we ended up paying $4,000 toward, and I have no doubt we'll never get the money back).
Now, several years later, he complains that he could have made a killing had he bought a 911, as the prices have become astronomical.  Well, maybe he's right, to a point.  What he overlooks is that the has had several years to buy one and has not seen fit to do so; so, where's the problem?
Compounding MY pissed offedness, is the fact that during those years, he and his girlfriend (now wife) were both working and had virtually no expenses besides food and gas for their cars.
You'll recall that they were on welfare (courtesy of my working 12 hour days in Nevada), trying to make enough money for retirement in some state other than poverty.
So, with him NOT buying the house, and still burning through our retirement earnings, we're short of retirement funds about $300,000, maybe more!  And he bitches about not doubling his shit-assed 12K investment in a car he could have bought anytime, but didn't!  FUCK!!!
Our plan for the money was to pay off debt, hide it under the bed in a damned coffee can or invest in silver and gold, and wait for the markets for them to jump, which they did; unfortunately, our money went to welfare payments instead of retirement savings.   FUCK!!!
So, how the hell am I supposed to feel?  Looking around, all there is is what will forever be; living in poverty, no way to get the photography equipment and firearms I want.  Recording equipment out of the question.
Damn it, I worked for many years before I could retire, and now everything is shot in the ass; after all the years in Nevada, making super wages, it comes down to returning to Mead because it's the only place we can afford to live.
No more single-story home with air conditioning, easy access to shows and entertainment, travel, etc.
Our once-in-a-lifetime opportunity blew up in our faces, and I'll go to my grave more than pissed about it.
It's with me all day and all night; I wake to it, and go to sleep with it, and often times dream about it.
I'll die too soon because of it.
FUCK!!!

Just random stuff...

Driving to town this morning, it again occurred to me that I don't like tattoos.  Never really have, and I was in the Navy for a while.
It seems that over the last several years, coloring ones body with ink has become more popular than ever; men, women, others.
Aside from the pain which MUST be involved, there is the regular need to have things 're-inked'.  Tats seem to fade over time and if you want that vibrant color you started with, you've got to find a 'touch up guy' to rejuvenate your colors.  Seems like throwing good money after bad, to be honest.
After paying several hundred dollars for that cute little character on your leg, arm, back, or wherever, wouldn't you think it should be permanent?  I mean, you pay good bucks for the pain in the first place, why repeat the experience?
This morning, I saw no fewer than half a dozen guys and gals, mostly at bus stops, proudly sporting their tattoos on various parts of their anatomies.  Flowers are popular, as are birds.  I even know one moron who had a giant eagle done all across his back.  And he has the lowest credit rating in town; couldn't afford half interest in a free lunch, but he can come up with $450 for ink into his dermal layers.  Maybe that's why he needs a co-signer for everything he does.
When I got home this morning, after running a couple errands, I was able to attack the dead vegetable matter that has formed a rock solid mass in my front yard, right where the trees/bushes were removed the other day.  Very tough work.  It was necessary to use the reciprocating saw with a pruning blade, but I was able to get a good share done before the sun came around the house and sent me back inside.  The saw does a pretty decent job of destroying the clinging mass, and it was then easier to move it away from the stumps, which according to YouTube, have to be dug out by hand.  Well, I have a couple shovels, so...

Another stifling day...

Wow, today we had a prediction of 92, and that's really close to the 94 here at the house.
After taking The Roo to work, I returned and pulled out the pressure washer to try cleaning up the site where we cut down the three bushes the other day.  Using the zero tip, it was possible to knock away quite a bit of 30 years of accumulated organic matter, including the bark off the large trunk areas. 
Still, there will be some raking and shoveling and cutting to do, but that's going to wait until the weather moderates.
Started the sprinklers and called it quits for outdoor activity.
Otherwise, the day was spent reading and cleaning the bathroom.

Well, as they say, "WTF"?

Since moving back here to the only place we can afford to live, things have been "...hand to mouth...", to quote the one who should know.
My own spending has been minimal; I feel that each and every penny should be accounted for, and while that's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm wondering if it's really warranted. 
Today, at the mailbox, there was a letter from the county auditor, who, in this state, is the agent for vehicle licensing.
Enclosed was a new license tag for another year on a BMW.
While we technically "own" the BMW, we don't ever use it.  It's in the hands of offspring who is gainfully employed, and has been for many years.
You'll recall that it was that offspring and his girl friend who spent about seven years on welfare (from my employment earnings intended for retirement savings) while I worked 12-hour days; this pattern continued even when the two of them were working and both banking their own checks.
Much of that money would have been invested in gold and silver; silver was about $7 dollars then, and gold was about $440.  Now they're $21.00 and $1300.
It was the shortfall caused by that, coupled with the failure of him to buy the house that we now live in (now the only place we can afford), that brings us to the present day.  He now has a NEW home, ("There's plenty of money in savings", according to his now-wife).  Same line when he wanted new firearms or paid for repairs for their truck, for which they paid cash.
I KNOW why there's "Plenty of money in savings".  I EARNED IT!!!
Anyway, the license tag got me thinking "Why are we still paying for his tags"?
This lead me to check the bank account, which offered no clue at all; however, the account that the social security checks go DOES show a debit for the tags.  And more.
Recalling back several years, we picked up his student loan payments for a number of years until we got fined by the IRS for doing so and claiming the interest on our tax returns; at that time, we paid several hundred dollars in fines and agreed that he would pay for his own student loans from then on.
Imagine my surprise to find that since the SS account was opened about two years ago, $4,000 has been paid for student loans!
Student loans we had agreed NOT to pay!
It should be noted that we also pay for his car insurance and cell phone bills, too.
Never a "Thank you", or anything approaching it.
No "I'm sorry you have a retirement totally devoid of dignity", either.

Winter is Back

Since last December, we've not had too much snow to get concerned about; a skiff now and again, but nothing to really make it dangerous.
BUT==since yesterday, we've had nearly 9" new, and it's still coming down like it's November or December.
I took The Roo to work this morning; slick roads and cars taking it kinda slow, with a few damned fools thinking they're invincible rushing past or sliding through intersections.  With all the news reports of wrecks, slide-offs and roll-overs, I have to wonder about their sanity.  People get killed doing what they're doing, but it seems to have escaped their notice, I guess.
I had a very bad week last week; more of the same as before. 

Another Damned Excuse!

Well, again I've been tardy, and honestly haven't really felt like blogging for a very long time.
Lately, it seems that there is no reason to be here; my mind wanders hopelessly most of the time and I have no purpose.  WTH???
My opinions are as strong as ever, but just don't seem to make it into print.  All web passions are gone and there is no direction.
When I was working (shudder), there was at least some sort of direction that needed to be followed; now, left to my own devices, I just spin around.  I hate not being able to go outside and work; inside offers no bid deal, except to play with Oscar and Quin.
I waste so much time on the 'net.  Just looking up all sorts of stuff, some of which holds no interest at all.
The same old feelings about retiring on the shorts are still here. I can't talk about them, as no one wants to hear them.  Sometimes, not even me.
We're worse off financially now then ever before, and it still pisses me off! 
Moving to Nevada was a perfect plan that just went to hell, and I didn't know about it until it was too late.
Now, money is tight, to the point that I don't even suggest spending but a very small amount now and then.
I've wanted to do something to bring in some $$, but can't concentrate long enough or frequently enough to get something going.  At the end of the day, I've just wasted the day, it seems.
Wife went back to work, knowing full well that it is probably necessary, but it still doesn't resonate fully with me.  My plan was to have us BOTH retired with plenty of money and no debt.
Now we have record debt and TWO mortgages.
No sense in recording anymore, as she finds these things now and then, so I'll just continue to hold it all inside.
Shit.