Have I been hibernating, or what???

 I haven't posted in like forever.

Tammy and I have a cardiology appointment this afternoon; been a while.  Just a check up.

For several weeks, there has been  little to do here (as usual), and I'm really pissed.

My world has been limited to the top floor of the house, all day, every day for years on end.

This sucks.

Another Friday...

 Well, Friday, again.

Just like each of them, I can look ahead to a perfectly good weekend shot in the butt.  There will be nothing  to do, nowhere to go, nothing to see.  The same story as it has been for years  on end.  Shocking.

Still, why should I have to live like this when I didn't go poo poo in anyone's hat.  What a bunch of crap.  It's always the same; sleep in, call her mother for her shopping list (it could be done by  email (HA), which wastes an hour or so, run her errands, gas up the car, deliver for her mother, and viola! another weekend wasted.

Will it ever change?  Never go anywhere.

Big Diabetic Error???

Went to the MD yesterday.  He questioned me in depth about the visit to the hospital ER and said "How the heck  did I miss diabetes?"  My BS on April 09 was 109, and at the hospital 761.
During our conversation he explained how a viral infection  in childhood might be the cause of the diabetes DX.
Turns out that a virus could be cured and still degrade the pancreas over time.  That struck a memory from my own childhood.  Mom had used the term "bulbar polio" when I was very ill  as a child.  I remembered that.
So Dr ordered a lab test to test for certain antibodies  and the results should be back today.
Fortunately my weight is still  down 40 pounds since 280, and I feel sorta OK.  My ac Breakfast today was 290.  Not bad for an old guy.
Well, gotta go feed the dog.
See you later.

Another sleepless week

Another week, all the way to Thursday.
Not happy.
All I do is try to stay awake, skip the shit news on FB and look to see what the hell is going on.
The weather is pretty nice, though.  Blue, breeze, pretty, anything anyone could want.
I think I'll go try to water some plants.  Gonna take some doing, though.
Bye.
Back again.  This is Friday and there is still little I can do owing to my physical disabilities.  Had breakfast, and posted good numbers before hand.  Have to go get my snack, I guess.  Time flies.  More celery and peanut butter.  Darned good snack, but it isn't everything in life.  I miss enjoying life. Today my legs are darned near totally shot.  Can hardly walk, but feel guilty sitting down of taking a nap.
I DO know that these are supposed to be the best years of our lives, but that's a bunch of crap.  My liver essentially ended when we were still in LV and having a good time.  Everything has gone downhill since then, and I truly resent it.  Always will.  
When I recall all the years that have been stolen from us and the future destroyed before our eyes, it makes me angry 24/7, just as it has since we pulled out of the driveway on Harmonize.
As you know, we were robbed, raped, swindled and left for dead; all so that fucking son of hers could have a place to fuck his girlfriend.
High and dry so that he could continue to have anything he wanted all times included.  Spoiled little bastard.  Gimme, gimme, gimme.  Fuck him.
Then, he decides to ask for OUR help for his campaign.  Spent way too much time/money last time to get him into office (never a "Thank you").
Tonight, The Roo will be going over to sign wave at Francis and Maple with him.   She asked me if that was ok.  What the hell COULD I say.  I don't know when she'  be home tonight.
We have been cheated out of the rest of  our lives and I'm fully pissed.  I worked to long and too hard to be ending up like this.  Crashing and burning while everyone else has a good time.
I'm trapped on  the top floor of this house and have been for years on end.  Unjust.

Another sleepless night

Such a  tiring few days; no sleep and just dosing off and on during the daytimes.  Can't keep my  eyes open.
Hurts to walk, sit, or anything else.
Terrible constipation problems.
Lots of apply juice and Dss, but to very little little avail..
Going back to bed.
Be well.

What a week!

As you know, I've spent my life lately with the company of nausea, falling a few times,  and generally feeling just below shit.
Friday, Tammy and I disagreed again about a hospital visit, and on her way home from work, she stopped to get a blood sugar  meter.  The real consences at her work was that I muse be diabetic.
"If this is high, you're going to the hospital". 
Turns out that I had a BS level of "over 600" and the meter couldn't even measure the actual number.  FYI, the normal level is about 100 or so.
I ended up in the ER at Holy Family.
There, I was diagnosed, received two liters of LR (bolus) and an injection of 10u of Novolog .
By 3AM we were discharged and went home, both glad that we didn't get get admitted.
Spent the next couple of days trying to figure out meal plans and testing times and med administration..
Today, I managed breakfast OK, I think (3 poached).   BS 338 a good drop.
I'll do lunch OK too.  Waiting for The Roo to call for last minute instructions.

Never realized that health was so important

Today, I can hardly stand myself; haven't had a shower in a few days because I'm having a very hard time standing vertical.
Two days ago, I fell in the bedroom and had to call  Josh  again to help me up again.  Yesterday took a very bad tumble in the bathroom.  Struck my head against the edge of the open door (THUMP).  I remember yelling   "NOOO" as I went down.
While down, I lost consciousness for a short period of time; my first stimulus to re awake, was the spray from the bidet. Our toilet is so equipped.  The the spray was covering me  from the waist down, and down my legs.  Both shorts and pants were totally bare.  Sorta funny,  I guess.o 
I was able to get myself up some how and went to bed to wait for Tammy.
Upon her return, I said that I had no damage save for a bad bruise on the inside of my  right wrist.
Wrong.
She pointed out a smack on the top of my forehead (ugly)  and a very bad contusion on my left shoulder; very bad  started on the top of the joint and followed a bloody path about half the distance to my left elbow.    I thought that it only  me hurt.  I was wrong.  Again.  She applied bandages.
So, now I'm navigating with a cane  (Tammy's idea) .
Earlier today, I trimmed my beard and brushed my teeth.
Now I'm just sitting in the office trying to muster up enough courage or stupidity to try to take some kind of cleaning operation in order to clear the jungle stench that seems to surround me.
I  continue to be so grateful for My Roo.  Without her, this whole thing would be pointless.

Getting to be Repetitive here...

The last time of an entry here was 2-28-20.  I was sick as a dog.
Same today, too.  Hard as heck getting down the stairs (back/legs).  Only mention it because I'm the only one who cares.
I have completely fallen apart; not much chance of improvement, either.  I'd give just about everything to  be healthy again.  I've had it.
Yesterday was completely lost.  Spent half or more of it in bed; hit the hay for the day about 7 PM and slept until  5 this AM.
I feel so badly when it comes to Tammy.  She's always there (that's just how she is), but I tell her that I'm fine, but I lie every time.  How did you sleep?  How do you feel?  How's this or that?
After being so filled with rage, anger,  frustration, hatred and all the stress that accompanies that hot mess, my life has devolved to a constant refrain of every cuss, curse and profanity I can think of during the day, all day, every day.  I don't know how to feel any differently  anymore.  I  don't like it, but there is nothing I can do to change anymore.
Today, things are bad, as usual.
Tam is at work.
I'm stuck here with Quincy, Vegas Gambler.
This has been the same for several years, and I will die this way. 
Never going out, never seeing what's going on around my home town.
No photographs.
No shooting ranges.
No vacation for several years.  Can't remember the last one.  Many years ago.
Can't do the slightest around the house.  Too sore, can't bend or lift.
One of my favorite memories of our forced return was re-purposing the handles off the old garage door to gate handles and fixing the front gate, and leveling the deck that the little prick had left un-attended, even though I told him how to repair it.  Can't even accomplish anything that simple without great effort.  I've been trying to do more woodworking, and liking that, but the pain and effort to get down the stairs frequently makes it impossible do do so.  I feel completely useless.
I can't carry things out to the garage, or vice versa, either.  Having to split a wood shop between two buildings and still worry about a place to house Tammy's car just compounds the shame and misery I feel concerning her. I love her so much, and can't do anything for her as a husband except collect my Social Security and tell her how I feel.  Not much contribution in either example.
I'm going to try to get some photos of wood working done and post them on Fb Marketplace.

I feel like crap...

Today has been soooo bad for me.
I got up feeling lousy and things just haven't improved much, if at all.  My whole body aches, and I have no concentration, either.  Nausea.  Dizziness.  Weakness.
Breakfast was eggs and bacon and that's all for the day's intake.  Right now, it's about 4pm.
I'll try to get back soon.
There is so much woodwork to do, but I can't get to the garage or downstairs without becoming completely winded.